Teenage
Parenthood: Still a Bad Idea
Published in Marietta Daily Journal Sept. 27, 2015
Some years they trickled in. Other years they arrived in what seemed like
droves. Teenage mothers, I mean.
On normal school days they weren’t
allowed to bring their babies, but on teacher work days, on registration days
for the next semester, and often after school they brought them, excited to
show off their progeny.
Sometimes I wondered if they had not purposely
gotten pregnant. Of course babies should
cause joy in every human heart, but for the girls I’ve observed, joy came not
only from their adorable offspring but from something else as well. It was as though their babies gave them
needed purpose; as though love, acceptance or something was what they actually
sought in the first place.
One particular day, the last day
before Christmas holidays, students were registering for the second
semester. There were no classes. This was one of the days they came in
droves. Practically all of them were
attended by their moms who held their babies while the young mothers registered
for classes.
Just before registration began in
the library, I was on my way to lock my classroom door. From the other end of the hall came a
beautiful 11th grade girl with a diaper bag strapped on her shoulder
and a baby on her hip. My instant
inclination was to get on inside my room and close the door behind me.
Why?
Because unmarried teenage mothers always made me uncomfortable as well
as sad. In class there was no
problem. I truly sought to help them any
way I could. But when it came to showing
off their babies, my uncomfortable index soared.
At any rate, I was too slow. Just as my hand touched the door knob, Amy
yelled, “Mr. Hines, have you seen my baby?”
Of course I had. Amy had already returned several times after
school to show her baby to faculty members, but frankly I had avoided her. What was I supposed to do? Hug the child and congratulate its unmarried
16-year-old mother?
Amy was a top-notch student. Whatever her home life was like, she dressed
well and didn’t appear to be needy, either materially or emotionally. Nor did her parents whom I had met before Amy
became pregnant.
And, oh yeah, the child’s
father. Teachers overhear everything. If only parents knew how much and how
often. Just days before Amy left to have
her child, she entered my classroom talking to two of her friends. The following words fell from her lips: “I
think Brian is the father, but he’d make a terrible husband, so I just don’t
care.” Her words angered and saddened me. As I noted above, Amy and her parents
appeared to be materially comfortable, but Amy surely took a casual attitude
toward some things about which no one should be casual. Therein lay her need and perhaps her parents’
neglect.
Unmarried teenage girls who bring
their babies to school create an awkward position for teachers. Teachers are rightly expected to be as
helpful as possible, but how can they do so without feeling they have become enablers? In the case of my avoiding Amy, I was torn
between doing the right thing and overdoing the positive stroking.
Beside all of these personal
conflicts teachers must face, there is a societal aspect to consider. For instance, unlike Amy who placed her baby
in her well-off mother’s arms, far too many other girls place their babies in
the laps of taxpayers, essentially dumping their financial obligations on
taxpayers.
Children having children is still a
bad idea. But before we shame the 14,
15, and 16 year-old Amy’s of the world, let’s shame adults. Adults who view sex casually themselves,
either unmindful or uncaring of how complex, intricate and sacred sex really
is. Let’s shame adults for an
entertainment industry hell-bent on destroying traditional morality, and clothing
its disdain for morality in comedy.
Let’s shame schools that foster teen entertainment culture at every
turn, thereby giving teens what they already have and already wallow in.
Let’s also shame schools for
accommodating and enabling our Amy’s with baby nurseries down the hall and
congratulatory notes on the bulletin boards.
Let’s shame preachers who used to keep bad, harmful things at bay by
naming them.
Finally let’s shame adults in
government who cannot see that indiscriminate aid destroys people, who think
marriage can have multiple definitions, and who deny that a nanny state can
undermine homes.
The more I think about it, the more
I want to apologize to Amy. She was just
a kid surrounded by adults who were either pointing her in the wrong direction
or leaving her to her own devices. And
that’s sad.
Roger
Hines
9/23/15
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