Several Sins of Syntax

Several Sins of Syntax      

Published in Marietta Daily Journal (GA) Feb., 11, 2013              

            So … the latest language fad is to begin conversation or the answering of a question with the word “so.” Listen for it on television. If a television reporter shoves a microphone into the face of a pedestrian and asks a question, or if a news anchor asks his or her guests a question, eight times out of ten the interviewees will begin their answer with the word “so.”

            Boys and girls, “so” is a conjunction. It’s a word that joins two thoughts or facts to each other and they must be joined in the middle, so … put “so” in the middle as I just did. Maybe the following example will help: Hines’ columns are good for insomnia, so I often find myself reading them at 3:00 AM. One more thing, in case taking words apart helps: a “junction” or “juncture” is a place of meeting. “Con” means brought together. Ah ha! This means that when subjects and verbs, or ham and eggs, or mice and men come together, they are conjoined. If this helps any at all, locate your long ago high school English teacher and tell him or her that you have mastered the conjunction. You and he or she will be conjoined in mutual joy.

            If guilty, don’t be too hard on yourself. Unlike mathematics, language is an inexact science. There are no eternal verities that govern language, no angels in the sky who weep when we abuse our native tongue. Language is like dress. It is social adaptation. We put it on and we take it off. Just be sure to put on the right language before going to the big interview you’ve been wanting.  And please, don’t worry too much about language errors at the supper table. On second thought, give at least a little thought to supper table talk. I suspect the dearth of family conversation is one cause of the decline in clear, straightforward communication. Screens, addictive cell phones, and lack of family conversation have sadly diminished language skills, leading to grunts and utterances instead of meaningful discourse. Books, newspapers, magazines and genuine conversation can improve our communication skills. Quick social media interaction cannot.

            On to other sins of syntax. Syntax, of course, means placing words together in such a way as to produce logical thought. Tell me, though, what’s logical about the expression “centers around”? That’s another goodie now used by everybody and his brother. “Centers around.” Say it again and then try to picture it. No, don’t try because it can’t be done. We can “center on” something but not around it. I hate to use the prissy word, oxymoron, but that’s exactly what “centers around” is, an expression that is self-contradictory. Compare it to Romeo’s last words to Juliet: “Parting is such sweet sorrow.” Sweet sorrow?  Or consider “act natural,” “only choice,” and “old news.”

            Well, those last ones are ingrained; we will never stop using them, but since “centers around” constitutes rebellion against geometric truth, someone start a therapy group for those who desire release from their habit.

            But let’s get serious. Sometimes syntax is intentionally warped in order to influence or control. Definitions and names are altered for the same reason. Associated Press provides a good example. In its Style Guide, AP no longer allows the words “pregnancy center” or “pregnancy resource center.”  “Anti-abortion centers” is the proper vernacular. Also “pro-life” must be “anti-abortion.” According to the Style Guide, the word “abortionist” must be avoided since “it connotes a person who performs clandestine abortions.” The Guide also forbids the term “”fetal heartbeat bill,” claiming the term is overly broad and misleading.”

            I have a daughter-in-law who has had extensive experience with pregnancy centers. Anna would tell you that the centers are equally concerned with the life of unborn babies and the general welfare of the mothers. AP, of course, doesn’t believe this.

            Not all the Guide’s verbal obfuscations are recent. In 2017 the following appeared: “Not all people fall under one of two categories for sex or gender. Avoid references to both sexes in order to encompass all people.” I ask, was Sarah Huckaby Sanders not accurate in her response to President Biden’s bizarre and supposed state of the nation address when she declared that the political left has become outright “crazy”? Men can become women and women can become men? Such rebellion against nature is craziness and the President’s speech abetted it.

            Wherever he lies buried, George Orwell … well, we know where Orwell, a former leftist, stood on newspeak. And he was right. Language, twisted and obfuscated, is the chief weapon of tyrants.