Five Rules for Parents: A Path to Normalcy
and Civil Behavior
Published in Marietta (GA) Daily Journal, 5/27/18
With
apologies to Canadian Jordan B. Peterson, whose new book “12 Rules For Life” is
setting the publishing world on fire, I here set forth some rules which I
believe can help stop school shootings, moderate our political discourse, and
foster harmony in our homes.
That’s
a big order, but please note I said “help,” not cure. Right now what we need is for someone to yell
SOS! There are no quick fixes for a
society in which parents are obeying children.
A cure does exist, but unfortunately it will take time for the country
to realize that it has embraced philosophies that aren’t working.
If you think all psychologists
are head-in-the-clouds individuals, meet psychologist Jordan Peterson. His book is sub-titled “An Antidote to
Chaos.” The good doctor is from Toronto
and teaches psychology at the University of Toronto and Harvard University. Peterson is a far cry from Dr. Benjamin Spock
whose Spock-marks can still be seen on the grandchildren of the grandparents
who purchased over 50 million copies of his books on childrearing.
Spock counseled
permissiveness and instant gratification.
Even minister Norman Vincent Peale, a guru for positive thinking, spoke
out against the Spock gospel. And so
does Peterson. In Peterson’s world there are some ancient truths that can and
must be applied to life’s modern problems.
It is in this spirit of
immutable truths versus moral relativism that I submit some rules of my
own. Sorry, but unlike Peterson who
states all of his rules positively (“Set your house in perfect order before you
criticize the world”), all of mine begin with “Don’t.” Surely adults can take a few “Don’ts” without
turning into teenagers and thinking “Rules?
More Rules?” In fact, by using
the blunt word “Don’t,” I am heeding Peterson’s Rule 10, “Be precise in your
speech.”
My rules are gleaned
from 52 years of teaching high school and college kids, inside of which was a
31-year period of raising my own children.
Having seen the results of fatherlessness, permissiveness, divorce, and
now helicopter parents (yes, even of college freshmen), I believe I can say
I’ve seen enough to draw some comparisons.
Rule
1
springs from all of the school gun violence.
It reads: Don’t ever think that changing one’s environment will change
the human heart. A pig in the parlor is
still a pig. “As a man thinketh in his
heart, so is he,” stated a 1st century figure. Work on shaping your child’s heart (mindset,
values) long before he goes to school.
It takes a strong home to help a child or teenager withstand the
influences of other children and teens.
Gun control will not change the untrained heart or the sick mind. Morality is inextricably tied to one’s belief
system. Consider the recent words of
Texas Governor Greg Abbott, “We’ve got to work on the human heart.” That means teach right and wrong.
Rule
2:
Don’t fall for any books or articles on parenting that speak of the “various
hues” of parenting or of “re-casting parenting.” There are no hues. Parenting doesn’t need to be “re-cast.” It
needs to be practiced. Be the boss of
your kids and enjoy it. They will see
your joy and your confident posture.
They will also see your love and authority.
Rule
3:
Don’t divorce. But don’t dare fuss or
fight in front of your children or within hearing distance, either. Let your last child reach 19 and then divorce
if you must. Divorce has been a scourge
in America, producing sad children, mad teenagers, and aimless college
students. Ask any teacher. America’s divorce rate hovers at 50%. Half of
America’s home are being dissolved. So
guns are the problem?
Rule
4:
Don’t neglect getting your children around their grandparents. Today’s youth know nothing about old
people. They are being allowed to wallow
in youth culture, all the while captivated and captured by technology. Require them to communicate with their
grandparents. If they resist, remind
them of who paid for the breakfast they just ate. Be a benevolent, loving dictator.
Rule
5:
Don’t groom too much or push your child into a line of work he or she is averse
to. You will kill his or her joy. I have seen countless parents almost destroy
their teenager’s spirit because “we know better than they do what they’re good
at.” Too many teens today are absolutely
joyless because of eager parents who wish to live vicariously through their
children.
Fragility is the mark
of modern parents. Fragility does not
equal love, and love, also, is what too many children are missing.
Roger Hines
5/23/18
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